Friendly acquaintance: Ooo wedding planning, aren’t you
having just so much fun?!
Me, outwardly: Yeah…it’s going ok I think.
Me, inwardly: Um, I’m so stressed out about this guest
list that I spent two hours last night crying and binge-eating Pringles!
Although
I am an amateur in the wedding world, I hope being a bride gives my list a bit
of credibility! In our wedding, my husband and I made choices that I am very
thankful for, but there are also things I would consider doing differently. As
we were reminded in the days of preparation: If at the end of the day you are
married, the wedding was a success! I could actually leave my encouragement at that,
but I do want to share a few extra thoughts for any brides-to-be.
1) Set your priorities early.
Weddings are
expensive. Somehow that has become the lay of the land. However, whether you
are in a financial crunch or not, I highly recommend frugality. Talk with your fiancé
to determine what areas hold the greatest value for you, and in which areas you’re
willing to be more flexible. Don’t drain the bank for photography, videography,
catering, decorations, clothing, venues, and wedding party gifts; invest in a
few, and get creative with the rest. You don’t have to buy diamond jewelry for
your bridesmaids, and you don’t even have to buy Save the Date cards at all. A
couple weeks into marriage when your pipes burst and your roof starts leaking…you
may wish you hadn’t spent thousands of dollars on floral decorations and
monogramed napkins!
2) Strive to be selfless.
At every turn, someone is
telling you: “This is your day.” Oh,
how this mindset makes it very hard to not be greedy and controlling! The truth
is, your friends and family have preferences and hopes for your special day as
well. I was not expecting this, but requests and recommendations will be made
that go against your original plans. Resist
bitterness and every now and then take one for the team, so to speak. In no way
do I suggest becoming a doormat, but I do advise taking the opinions of others
into true consideration. For example, if your mother has been dreaming of an
elaborate dinner, but you and your fiancé have already determined the meal to
be one of your lower priorities and want to do light hors d’oeuvres, gently but
firmly tell her you want to take a different route. If possible, find a way to
compromise, such as hiring a caterer she likes. But in areas that you choose
to be more flexible, be prepared to let a few preferences go. This is your wedding day, but it’s a day shared
with many loved ones and is not intended for your enjoyment only. Look for ways
to ensure that your guests will feel loved and have fun.
3) Ask for help from a variety of sources.
You’re surrounded by
friends and family (also coworkers, acquaintances, neighbors, and more!) who
have a wealth of talents and connections. Turn to these people for assistance;
do not try to accomplish everything alone! Planning a wedding can be a
monumental task, but I encourage you to not let it become a burden. My parents
spent countless hours helping me with wedding favors and decorations, and our
church family was involved in officiating, leading worship music, coordinating,
catering, and more. I was astonished with how many little details arose each
week that I had never thought about, and many days I felt overwhelmed. It was
not until I received help from others, professional or not, that I was able to
relax and truly move forward.
4) Let your personalities shine!
God has made you and
your fiancé unique. Although weddings involve a great deal of tradition, your
day does not have to be like everyone else’s. You are not required to have a
cake, bouquet, music selection, and hair-do like those found in magazines or found at
your best friend’s wedding. Take hold of this freedom and have fun! Personal
touches will mean much more than any pricy ideas the wedding industry may push
your way. So if you love Taylor Swift, give the DJ a list of her songs to play.
If you collect cute soaps, find some in bulk and share as the wedding favor. If
the smell of pine brings back sweet memories, raid your grandparents' neighborhood trees for centerpieces. If you or your fiancé are known for being intellectual,
goofy, athletic or artistic – let this be reflected in the rehearsal, ceremony
and reception.
5) Seek to glorify God.
If you are a follower of Christ, I cannot urge
this enough. Marriage is God’s design, his institution. He
desires that marriage reflect the gospel, the relationship of Jesus and the
church. As the public celebration of this gift and responsibility, our weddings
should point not just to ourselves, but to God. This is a challenge, and I had
to remind my heart with these words: “This is God’s day. This is not MY day. This
is our wedding, but we are God’s.” This desire to glorify God can be manifested
in the wedding setting in countless ways. Please take the time to prayerfully
consider how to praise God and draw near to him in each aspect of the day.
I wish you good luck in your planning! Remember that the wedding day, like your marriage, will not be perfect. But it will be an exciting, beautiful time with your future-hubby, and the importance of this day is found in the commitment you're making to each other (not the commitment you make with a band or bakery!). Happy planning!
For further exploration:
Wedding vow samples - Even if you don't want to write your own vows, there are many options to choose from!
Genesis 2:15-24,
Proverbs 31:10-31,
Ephesians 5:22-33,
Philippians 2:1-18,
1 Corinthians 13 - A few verses from the Bible that may serve as good reminders/encouragement.
